Peanut Butter Jelly Time ! ! !

Another installment for your enjoyment. Sorry for the week off, but our fingers were tired from typing so much.

I present to you the best ever (probably), one and only (it's not, I checked), uniquely creative (absolutely), Peanut Butter Jelly Time Sandwich Shoppe! It is so profound and extraordinary that we even had to fancy up the name.

Due to my recent inability to draw income from any source, I have had to utilize a very minimalistic menu when it comes to my diet. Because of this peanut butter sandwiches have become a staple. And I must say that it has developed into an art. I think it goes without saying that you can only eat one thing for so long before you abhor it forever. Yea, yea I know everyone has those foods that they say they could eat any time, any day for the rest of their lives, but really?? It can't be done. People need variety to some degree. And because of this innate need, I found myself pushing the envelope on the possibilities of Peanut Butter.

Thanks to my main man George Washington Carver, we have this bountiful resource available for a relatively cheap price. Not only delicious, it satisfies cravings unlike any other. Sweet and salty at the same time, it goes great with any kind of bread or cracker, and can be both crunchy or velvety smooth. It is a wonder that no one has pushed this miracle food to the limit. That's where we come in.

As I was sitting in my extremely blank canvas of an apartment the other day, I felt a rumblin' in my tummy. Instinctively I walked to the refrigerator and opened the door only to find some yogurt, milk, and eggs. I wasn't really in the mood for eggs and yogurt wouldn't fill me up so I decided on a PB sandwich. I had some bananas that had just hit there peak stage of ripeness so I decided to throw those on there as well. I paused after cutting them wondering if there was anything else I could use to make this sandwich even more special. There was! I drizzled a delicate layer of honey on top and then sat down to enjoy. Each bite was heavenly. Only after I had finished did I murmur out loud, "You just can't get this in a store." LIGHT BULB!

So think about all of the sandwich shops you've ever been to. I bet not a single one of them had peanut butter as an option. If it was, it was probably on the kids menu and was as basic as could be. I think it's safe to say that there aren't many people that couldn't go for a peanut butter sandwich every once in a while. I mean, even Elvis ate them until he died on the toilet, probably pooping them out to make room for more. It has been a foundation of our culture and has been used so many different ways throughout our culinary history. So, with that being said, it is time to take the next step.

Peanut Butter Jelly Time offers a wide selection of peanut butter sandwich options. Think of all the different combinations of jelly's and different types of peanut butter. And that doesn't include all of the different bread choices and accessories. Chocolate, Bananas, Apples, Honey, Walnuts, Pecans, if you want it, we will provide it. It is a revolutionary idea in the world of sandwich making. Perhaps, my favorite idea thus far.

Upon further research, there exists a place similar to this. Peanut Butter & Co. is located in New York and focuses on peanut butter sandwiches and also has others like tuna and chicken salad. After reading reviews and browsing the menu, there are obvious fundamental flaws in its design. Granted, it seems to be a trendy and unique little spot and we have to give them props for establishing the idea. However, it's very overpriced and very eclectic. What makes our idea different is the home grown feel as well as the menu flexibility. Rather than put stuff like bacon and carrots on our sandwiches, we have decided to make 'em good instead of just weird. So yea... we get that there is a place like ours already in existence. But ours will be peanut better.

What makes PBJT uniquely different:

1. We offer the consumer the option to build his or her own sandwich, and also the option to create their very own to add to the menu.

2. You certainly won't have to pay $8 for a sandwich that you could make at home for 50 cents.

3. We are strictly peanut butter based. Pretty much everything on the menu contains peanut butter. If you don't like it, then go to Jersey Mike's.

4. The taste is in the details. We realize that there is a big difference between Peter Pan, Reese's, and Skippy. We provide as many different brands as possible because we know that, "Choosy moms don't always choose Jif."

5. Do we serve Nutella? Hell no. That's made from our arch rival, the hazelnut.

6. We are Paula Dean to all the Giada de Laurentiis out there. Rather than fancy and trendy, we focus on more of an at home, southern hospitality approach.

And don't you dare forget about the desert menu. Options include Peanut Butter Pie, Peanut Butter Applesauce and definitely be sure to indulge in our PB Dream. Peanut butter ice cream with melted peanut butter and chocolate sauce oozing all over the top. Thanks to my momma for that one.

Everyone, it seems, has a different peanut butter sandwich recipe. A sandwich that they have perfected over the years in their own unique way. If you don't have anything better to do, send them to us and we promise that when we have enough capital to open Peanut Butter Jelly Time, we will add your sandwich to the menu and put your name on it! I am going to try to figure out a way that we can post a menu to the blog and add everyone's recipes as we get them. That is if anyone actually sends us any. And I hate to say it, but the Abraham (Jiff Crunchy, Bananas, and Honey on Pepperidge Farm Oatmeal Bread) is already taken.

Oil Shuttles

Let me start by encouraging all our readers out there to constantly be thinking of ideas. We will read and look into any ideas we are sent. Believe me, we have come up with some of the stupidest things you could think of, but without the bad ones, we wouldn’t come up with a lot of out good ones. So please keep thinking of ideas and email us at abe.hop@gmail or on facebook.
This idea hit me this past week. I went in to get my oil changed because you are suppose to every 3,000 miles and I was pushin 4,500 since my last one. I go to the oil changing station and they tell me it is going to take an hour and a half. Really? I’ve gone to express oil changing place one time and it took 15 min, and they vacuumed out my car. I guess they had just started Wall E in the back and were trying to figure out if there was ever going to be any dialogue. Oh well there is a Target a mile and a half up the street, I’ll just drive… oh wait they need my car to change my oil. I also do not want to sit watching tv on the Spanish network in a steel chair. I ended up walking. It sucked, I was sweating and tired, not to mention I had to carry bags on the way back.


( I have yet to go into Target and not buy anything. It is almost like they have subliminal messages convincing people they really do need that non stick pan to make grilled cheeses in.)


Anyways, that is when it hit me, why do these places not have shuttle services? Some might already but this needs to be a necessity, especially to those places that have shopping near them. If I was in charge at the Firestone, I would go to Target and ask them if they would pay $100 a month for gas to shuttle customers to and from Target. Why would they say no to getting people that are bored into their store everyday that probably wouldn’t come? This is the best money they could spend on advertising unless they could get the real Don Draper to play around with that little target symbol. Shopping centers, restaurants, and other places of business would probably love the chance to throw a little cash at oil changing places in order to get people in. Oil changing places would like to get the bored, annoyed, pissed off customers out of the store so every 10 minutes the employees aren’t getting ask how close their car is to being done. Finally the customer wants this service because they would much rather spend time carousing the bed and linen department then trying to see if they can beat the high score of [fill in name of Ipod game here].


Why stop there though? Why not make it convenient for the people who really need it? I’m talking about those multitasking people who work a full time job and have a family they would like to join in watching what crazy adventures Uncle Charlie on Two and a Half Men are up to this week. They should offer a service to come pick up your car, change the oil, and return your car to your place of work. This offers them a deal where they pay a certain fee and get their oil changed without having to worry about getting back late to work, or having to eat the last egg salad sandwich left at the 7-11. I feel like this would take off faster than Usain Bolt. In fact, it might become so popular the lube places might have to hire people strictly for shuttling. Now we are talking about helping the unemployment rate in this country. You’re welcome Mr. Obama. Here at Borderline Genius Ideas, Inc., we are taking care of the world’s problems one issue at a time.

The Bathroom App

From what I hear, there is an app for everything. From stealing people's butterfingers to Angry Birds, you would think that the companies have got it all covered when it comes to making life a little less stressful and a little more enjoyable. However, you would think wrong!

Today, I stumbled upon an idea that would fill a need for society as a whole and can indeed make some bucks. Imagine you are on a road trip. Nature calls. What usually happens next? For pretty much everyone, you find the nearest roadside gas station to number 1 and/or 2 in and refill on Mike and Ikes and Mountain Dew, thus completing the cycle. Now... imagine your average po-dunk gas station bathroom. If you're lucky they have a toilet seat and colorful writings on the wall from the local gangs and vagabonds, which always makes for great bathroom reading. Occasionally you hit the jackpot with a public restroom, though. You get all the amenities. Touch free sinks and towel dispensers, foaming hand soap, and two-ply toilet paper are always bonuses in making your experience more enjoyable. However, these diamonds in the rough are only found on luck alone. That is until someone creates The Bathroom App.

This is exactly what happened to me today. As I was driving back to Nashville, I had to make a pit stop. So I walk in to this gas station while Apu points me to the restroom where I then enter and get on to taking care of business. It's the usual craphole (pun intended) smelling like pee and vomit. I have a thing about public toilets. I don't trust them at all. I always go through the same routine every time I have to sit on one. I soap up some toilet paper and proceed to sterilize the seat before laying a solid layer of toilet paper on it. So after I've finished all of that, I sit down only to notice a hole in the door where the doorknob should go. I look through it for about a minute until, of course, according to Murphy's Law the next logical thing happens. I see an eye. So here I am, at my most vulnerable, getting peeked in on by some stranger (turned out to be a little kid) as I think to myself there has got to be a better way.

The mouse in my head jumped on his wheel and started running. About 5 minutes later, I had a solution. Why not have a cell phone app that accesses a user reviewed, up-datable database containing locations for clean restrooms throughout the world? With all of the technology out there and apps for just about everything, there is no reason that we shouldn't already have this in place. All you would need to do is either type in a location or have the GPS locator on and it would give a list of the highest rated bathrooms nearby. I did a little bit of research and couldn't find anything like this. I did find a website devoted to bathroom ratings, but an app would be hands down a better utilization. No doubt this would be revolutionary! Not only could it be utilized on roadtrips, but it could also be helpful in any public setting. Let's face it, anytime that you are away from home, you may have to drop a deuce. Hey, for $1.99, you can at least have the choice to do it in a somewhat clean environment.

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On a side note, I've had a bunch of people ask me about the blog, "What happens if someone steals your ideas?" That is exactly what we want to happen. There is no way in hell I am going to sit down and spend countless hours learning how to create an iPhone app that finds clean bathrooms. It would be great but I just don't care about it that much. All of the things we come up with on here would help us in our everyday lives but all we are doing is pitching the idea. We want other people to take these ideas and run with them, because if they succeed then we benefit along with everyone else. We will simply take pleasure in knowing that we were the geniuses that had the idea and that's plenty good for us. And if you feel bad for making money off our ideas, we will obviously take donations.

Cereal Flavored Milk

When I was a kid I would wake up every morning super early to watch cartoons. After wiping the crust from my eyes, I would climb on the counter to retrieve a bowl which would contain my nutrients for the day. Sugar, cinnamon, marshmallows, and the like would provide me with the energy I would need to make it to elementary school awakened and refreshed, only to crash around lunchtime where I would get my next fix from push pops. Regardless, I not only relied on my cereal but I also cherished it like I would a treasure chest full of rubies and pearls. It was delicious and satisfying to the very last bite and then the best part awaited me as I spooned the tasty milk to my mouth. Such was my morning routine between the ages of 4 and 18.

I always drank the milk. I think it might be because I can't stand the sight of something left on a plate. Even if I'm full I will finish my food. Whatever. I don't care. It's my survival instinct. Every cereal carried with it a different unique ending. Whether it be the silky smooth chocolaty Cocoa Puff finale or the cinnamony sweet Cinnamon Toast Crunch suprise, they all had some sort of individualized flair that added excitement to each increasingly close bite. When I think back on those years, I can only say that they were the best years of my life. Who's to say that my post cereal milk wasn't the sole reason behind that? Not only delicious, I believe that it added to my ever increasing size and unsurpassed bone strength through pre and post pubescent development. But wait! It only gets better... When I was growing up, there were only a hand full of cereals that were worth eating. Count Chocula, Lucky Charms, Cookie Crisp to name a few nostalgic influences on my life. These days its hard for me not to spend a half hour just browsing the cereal isle. So with the ever increasing amount of taste bud heaven that exists in our grocery stores today, milk is just begging to see this idea play out. All we have to do is combine these ingredients and throw it on the dairy isle and watch as the billions of dollars roll in.

So why do we have to limit our taste with chocolate and strawberry when there are so many other untapped milk flavor possibilities? I mean, c'mon, Nestle Quick tastes like crap and sand mixed together and somehow it has made it. It's only logical to think that Cereal Flavored Milk would give that silly rabbit a run for his money.