Rapucation

Here at BGI, Inc. we strive to be leaders toward the betterment of our civilization (new mission statement?). Yes it's true that Ahop and I alone have countless great ideas which border on insane brilliance, but we remain humble enough to know that there is a world of untapped potential out there. From its conception, we wanted this blog to be a place where anyone's ideas could be spread with no discrimination to hair color, physical stature, or even shoe size. We cannot express the amount in which we value our readers, but we value even more the contributions that you guys can make. With that being said, I present to you our first Celebrity Post (because in our eyes you are all celebrities). This one is special. Not only because it is the first of what might be many, but for the fact that it comes from the one and only, the man, the myth, the legend... my dad. Without further adieu, Rapucation!

Here's a borderline genius idea for those of you youngn's still in school and discouraged about your future. Have you ever been sitting in a classroom during final exams, knowing deep down inside you were going to fail? Well, you're not alone. There you are, praying for a D minus, because instead of studying the night before you were actually spending time at the local disco establishment (ie. at da club). Precious seconds tick away on the clock while you rack your brain for an answer that just isn't there.

"Question #13. Name every human body organ and its function."... tick, tick, tick

Well, I have the answer. No, not the answer to the test question, stupid! The answer to this country's declining educational system. It's called rap music. Yes, that's right... rap music. How many of you can recite the lyrics of today's most popular rap songs? Probably most of you, right? That's because rap music makes you smarter... everyone knows that. So, here's the idea... the United States Dept. of Education needs to implement rap music as the foundational building block for teaching every subject taught in school. Reading, Writing, Rithmitic... all taught via the lyrics of rap music. Ideally, President Obama would incorporate into the healthcare plan, stimulus plan, whatever plan, a budget to hire professional rappers in place of teachers. The rap lyrics they write would allow students to quickly and easily memorize everything from history to calculus (proper english being the one exception). Final exams, previously associated with anxiety and dread, would become a time of song and dance (albeit, pole dancing). Just imagine... you're sitting at a red light and begin to feel the thumping bass of approaching sub-woofers. As an $800 hooptie with $3000 chrome spinners pulls up next to you, windows down, the golden gleam of the driver's teeth catching your eye, you suddenly realize that the music you hear is not filled with the usual degenerate lyrics, but instead something that any school principal would be proud of...

(rapped to the beat of your favorite, hardcore rap song)...

I'm a hardcore gansta but don't let my looks fool ya'
Cuz I is quite educated and I'm about to school ya'
Wit a list of human organs and every body part
Like the ice-cold blood flowin' from my gansta heart...

Okay, I realize that sucks pretty bad and is a terrible example but you get the point, right? That's why our tax dollars are needed to pay the professionals. So, Mr. President, take a lesson from Kanye... it is time to wrestle the microphone of education out of the hands of the conservative establishment and give it to the people who truly know how to lead the next generation into the future.... Lil Wayne & Eminem. No longer will Americans live in the shadow of Asia's intellect! I predict that in just a few short years, Americans will, once again, be the smartest PLAYA's on the planet. If you're with me on this, say YOOOOO!

The Next Snuggie

First and foremost, I want to give a shout out to Ahop as he has so humbly and generously taken the reins over the past month or two and has kept this blog alive. I cannot say enough about his dedication to this business. I, in my laziness, have been watching from the sidelines. However, I am back with a vengeance and a renewed confidence to make millions... nay, hundreds of millions of dollars from this thing and the ideas associated with it. Forgive me for my absence, but I can assure you it will be worth it. With that being said, we shall begin.

I'm a hot guy. Quite literally. I sometimes think that my body runs at a higher temperature than most. Whether it be from my studly chest hair or some pre-existing condition that I don't know about is another question. This has led me to spend countless summer nights tossing and turning, all the while sweating profusely as I have not always had the luxury of central heat and air. Fortunately, I have come up with a wonderful and practical solution. And just for fun here is my sales pitch with a tribute to a legend...

"Hi, Billy Mays here!!! for the Frosty Fleece, the easy way to find comfort during the hot summer weather. Are you tired of sleepless nights, constantly flipping to the cool side of the pillow in search of relief? (cut to people struggling immensely in bed with looks of severe anguish on their faces, then a shot of a bed covered in sweat) Well, here's your solution! The Frosty Fleece is a blanket that can and will keep you cool! Just throw it in the fridge for ten minutes and enjoy the comfort of a blanket without the heat! Wait, you would rather be warm??? Don't throw it in the fridge and the Frosty Fleece serves as a regular blanket, keeping you comfy and toasty!

Available in 3 wonderful colors, this product is not only functional but fashionable as well! You don't need a cabinet full of blankets!!! Just one Frosty Fleece can keep you cool or warm for hours on end! Free up closet space, add style to your couch, impress the neighbors! You can do it all with the Frosty Fleece! The secret is in the gel inserts which not only last but are washing machine, dishwasher, and microwave safe!

Call now and receive not one but eight Frosty Fleece's for your entire extended family all for the price of one!!! Also, we'll throw in 2 tickets to that thing you love!

Wait, that last bit was from the wrong commercial, but I digress. So we have a catchy name (Frosty Fleece) for a product that could easily catch on. I feel like this thing could be a goldmine so much so that I actually drew up a prototype as I was sitting here. Took me about 2 and a half minutes. So here's what I got so far:


As you can see, there is a gel insert that winds throughout the blanket which is then stitched in between two layers of fabric. I think if the gel strip is thin enough, it wouldn't hinder the mobility (we want to avoid a blanket that is stiff and rigid) and comfort of the blanket but it would still keep it cool. It's like those eye masks you wear at night but way better. The two big problems I think that would crop up would be 1) Mobility and comfort 2) How long it would stay cold. If those two problems were addressed and resolved, there is no stopping this thing from making a butt-load of money.

There are so many reasons that this would work that if it were made it would have to work. The more I type, the more I want to go try to make one. And since I just got a bomb ass tax refund, I might just do that. Snuggies ain't got nothin' on the Frosty Fleece.

Reader's Input

Thank you to all our readers out there. This is the reason we started this blog, for you the people. We love all the people that have become followers, and the people that joined our facebook group [http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=111947515488350]. We just want you to know that we have read every comment, email, and idea that comes to us from everyone.

Most of you read the post once and don't ever look at the comments. That is fine, since there have been few comments. Because of this, we have decided to post any comments or emails that come in that could help our ideas or blog be better. We would love to get to the point where we have one big blog showing all the comments.

This first one was written about our Bad Breathalyzer post by Courtney from Knoxville:

Here's an addition to your slightly-pirated but still awesome idea. How about rather than just giving you a measurement telling you how easy it would be for your breath to kill a small dog, the machine also gave you a dose of bacteria killing, stank-neutralizing, mouthwash type substance based on the severeness of you halitosis. That way the bad breathalyser becomes a helpful tool - not to mention that it would become a late night girl/guy pickup requirement and make you (and me of course) millionaires.

Thanks Courtney for your input and we will be glad to share some of the profits with you as soon as we get the Bad Breathalyzer out on the market.

Thanks again to all the readers and I am off to GTL (Gym Tan Laundry for all the haters)!

Drink, Don't Drive, Do the....

Celebrities seem to think they are untouchable when it comes to laws that the rest of us lowly humans must abide by. Then again if Kobe came up to me and told me to drop my panties... Too soon?

Anyways, coming from the very prestigious university that produces athletes that like to see who can one up the other in the criminal world, I decided to capitalize on this. Some of you losers might say, "Why don't we just ask them to not steal, do drugs, kill people, and not to covet." I'll tell you why, cause that is like telling Pauly D and The Situation not to go to the gym, tanning bed and do laundry. It's like telling republicans not to take donors to strip clubs. It's like telling Jim not to love Pam. Some things just never change.

What exactly is this idea? It is simple really: A DUI preventative nationwide company.

Here is how it works. Celebrity X gets a call from his/her friend, "Hey come have a drink before you hit the hay." Celeb X meets them, and one beer leads to 10 beers, 8 shots, and maybe an illegal drug or two. Well Celeb X has a badass car and thinks, "I can't leave my Maybach here, I think I'm straight to drive." Next thing you know Celebrity X has their mug shot flying all over the internet.

But wait, from the Abe Hop Borderline Genious Ideas, the Celebrity DUI prevention firm. In New York? L.A.? Miami? Doesn't matter. We are nation wide company. We will let people sign up in pairs (or can pair people up) in major cities. Have checks to make sure you are over 21 and no major traffic violations or criminal activities. Once we have enough people signed up, it is similar to substitute teaching set up. The Celebrity calls our center and tells the operator where they are. The operator then contacts the pair and they head off in one car to pick up the celebrity and their car and drive it home for them. The celebrities can set up an account in advanced, that way they call in and give their pin and we have everything already on record and ready to go.

Will this be expensive? You bet ya. That is why this is only for the rich and famous. Now call up Mel Gibson and ask him if he would have paid top dollar for this service.