Can Anyone Spare Some Change?

Ahop and I like to think of ourselves as decent people although we probably aren't. I guess it really just depends on who you ask. However, a few years ago we hatched a plan that would solidify our rank among the world's elite humanitarians (watch your back Brangelina).

Our idea was simple and poorly thought out but altogether altruistic. The premise was this... we would choose a homeless person based solely on appearance (i.e. thick beard, great can collection) and house him for a month or so. We then tell him that there are 2 rules and that's it. Rule 1: Don't steal our TV, bull and matador, or the money black and white Marilyn Monroe poster. Rule 2: No drugs in our apartment. Other than that we would basically adopt him like we were prominent Ole Miss Alums and he was a future NFL draft pick. We would feed him, clothe him, and party with him (obvi).

After a week or so, we would take him to Mickey D's or somewhere and help him get a job. We would house him for enough time to get cleaned up, working, and back on his feet, all the while becoming our new best friend. We could later parlay this whole experience into a book deal or movie. Our outlook on this whole matter was that we were giving someone an opportunity to completely revamp their life. In essence, we would be his plane crash back to the island.

Of course, there would need to be a defined amount of time for all of this to take place because, let's be honest, we can only take in a psycho street runner for so long. Once the time was up they had to go. So it was ultimately up to them to seize the opportunity that we were providing. Hell, I would have taken him to class if he wanted to learn (better yet he could just go to class and take notes for me). We would be giving him the chance to turn his life around but even if he wanted to just kick it for a month, fine by us. At least they got a place to sleep for a little while. Also, we would be getting a new buddy on the streets and not to mention some very valuable street cred.

Although great, this idea came with a lot of negatives. From what I hear, a lot of homeless people are schizo's, so it may not have been in our best interest to follow through on it. Then again, if Ronnie assumed Sammie Sweetheart was property of the Situation, we would have never been able to see their beautiful romance unfold. Add to that the fact that our new homeless pal might have ganked something awesome from our sick Chapman Square bachelor pad (see above, also a miniature totem pole) and we would have been in a world of trouble.

Best case scenario, we help a man get his life back together, he becomes a good friend and roomie (maybe even cooks for us), we get some killer stories of the street, the news of us spreads national, we win the Nobel Peace Prize, get on Oprah, and become millies. At this point, we have done enough good that we could basically be the worst people on earth and would still be viewed as great men. It is safe to say that, although we never followed through with it, we were at least kind hearted enough to come up with an idea to try to help a brother in need.

Worst case scenario, we both get robbed and killed. Even though people would say it was stupid, they would still have to amit that it was all for a good cause. We would go down as great men and would have a fund in our names.

That is one hell of a win-win if you ask me. So if you ever think, "No one has any idea who I am and I mean nothing to the world", follow through with this little gem of an idea and be ready to get rich or get dead.