Celebrities seem to think they are untouchable when it comes to laws that the rest of us lowly humans must abide by. Then again if Kobe came up to me and told me to drop my panties... Too soon?
Anyways, coming from the very prestigious university that produces athletes that like to see who can one up the other in the criminal world, I decided to capitalize on this. Some of you losers might say, "Why don't we just ask them to not steal, do drugs, kill people, and not to covet." I'll tell you why, cause that is like telling Pauly D and The Situation not to go to the gym, tanning bed and do laundry. It's like telling republicans not to take donors to strip clubs. It's like telling Jim not to love Pam. Some things just never change.
What exactly is this idea? It is simple really: A DUI preventative nationwide company.
Here is how it works. Celebrity X gets a call from his/her friend, "Hey come have a drink before you hit the hay." Celeb X meets them, and one beer leads to 10 beers, 8 shots, and maybe an illegal drug or two. Well Celeb X has a badass car and thinks, "I can't leave my Maybach here, I think I'm straight to drive." Next thing you know Celebrity X has their mug shot flying all over the internet.
But wait, from the Abe Hop Borderline Genious Ideas, the Celebrity DUI prevention firm. In New York? L.A.? Miami? Doesn't matter. We are nation wide company. We will let people sign up in pairs (or can pair people up) in major cities. Have checks to make sure you are over 21 and no major traffic violations or criminal activities. Once we have enough people signed up, it is similar to substitute teaching set up. The Celebrity calls our center and tells the operator where they are. The operator then contacts the pair and they head off in one car to pick up the celebrity and their car and drive it home for them. The celebrities can set up an account in advanced, that way they call in and give their pin and we have everything already on record and ready to go.
Will this be expensive? You bet ya. That is why this is only for the rich and famous. Now call up Mel Gibson and ask him if he would have paid top dollar for this service.
Legit idea... Put me on that employee list if this ever goes down.
ReplyDeleteAnthony...there's a reason I keep you around after all this time. You're gonna make me rich one day....
ReplyDeletefrom 5th grade and rags to 26 and bling....
Isn't this like the scooter idea? In South Carolina they have people who drive fold up motorized scooters. Then, people call, pay just a little more than they would for a taxi, and the scooter guy comes, folds up his scooter, puts it in your trunk and drives you home. Then, scooters on back to the next drunkie.
ReplyDeleteMiss Russ, neither of us live in South Carolina so we wouldn't know. However, there's a reason that fluorescent lights are also sold alongside incandescent bulbs. They may do the same thing but in very different ways. Ideas build on each other. The scooter idea is great, don't get me wrong, but our idea is centered on an organization hired out by celebs and pro athletes rather than drunk college kids and middle aged creepers. If I were famous, I wouldn't want someone who rides a scooter to be driving me home in my Lamborghini. Although similar, it's not quite the same.
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